Tell It Like It Is vs. Speak Your Truth

Sitting in my hair stylist’s chair the other day, I was reminded of a time years ago when my usual stylist was on vacation and I had to get my cut from someone else in the salon.

As soon as I sat in her chair, I could tell I was in for a ride. My substitute stylist had no problem with vocal volume ;-), nor did she have any difficulty having something to say. So when she asked me what I did for a living and I answered, “I help women own the power of their voice in singing, speaking up, and speaking their truth,” she quickly and loudly responded, “Oh, I have no problem with that! I just tell it like it is!” and she proceeded to give me an example from her life.

I thought, “Wow. I guess some people think ‘telling it like it is’ is the same thing as speaking your truth.” Interesting! We probably all know someone who tells it like it is. But if you “tell it like it is,” are you going to gain respect and positively influence outcomes for all? I don’t have a definitive answer on that but here is some food for thought.

When I think of times when I’ve witnessed someone t-i-l-i-i (my shorthand), the message has been other-focused and saturated with judgment and condemnation. On top of that, it was usually an uninvited opinion about someone else’s business, not their own. Not a great way to create positive outcomes for anyone and not a great way to actually come to understand a person or situation.

When I think of times when I’ve witnessed or experienced someone speaking their truth or speaking up, it has been self-focused or fact-focused and mindful of regarding the other person as a valuable human being. It was their own business they were handling. Not much drama there. Just calm, cool and collected.

Now, I’m all for letting boundary transgressors know when they have crossed a line, and I’m all for speaking truth to power, but that is different than t-i-l-i-i. Is it possible to t-i-l-i-i while speaking your truth to create positive outcomes? You decide. Maybe if…

… You are talking about your own experience i.e. “I feel…”
… You own your experience. “This is what is going on for me… and this is what I’m going to do to take care of myself.
… You focus on the facts.

These examples are just two of the many ways you can shift from telling it like it is to speaking your truth in a way that fosters self-care, mutual respect, harmony, and understanding. I don’t have all the answers but I do love experimenting to see what feels best to my heart without throwing someone else under the bus.